The demon

That little sound evokes deepest desires of the heart, and every time it unfurls in my ears, there is a sadness and desperation that takes over me. In spite of however cheerful I could manage to appear, there is this loneliness that always stays in my heart. I can feel it living in my body, in my very spirit, changing forms faster than blink of an eye. I can feel its existence when I hate someone for nothing, when I feel sad when there is every reason to be cheerful, when I feel lonely in maddening herd of friends. And every second that I try to fight it, to win back my happiness, I realize that I am fighting myself. I am fighting a battle with this demon which claims to be me.

The demon sleeps within, and it wakes up without warning. It takes over me. It tells me that I am bad, that I am imperfect. It is my fault for whatever I don't have and it is my punishment to suffer. The lack which created it manifests itself in hatred for others, in guilts and shame for acts where I have played no role. The demon tells me that it is fine to have and nurture my fears, to run away from them, and it is alright to tell lies. It tells to be someone I am not. And when I allow it to grow, it tells me that I don't exist. The existence always belonged to the demon, and I am just a thought image, the shadow which has no independent reality.

But today that demon is getting weak, for the light has been shone on him. It can't stand light of recognition. It rules when it is dark, when you are blind to see that you are not him. But when you realize that this demon is nothing but an unholy accumulation of your guilts and fears, and when you realize that you are are bigger than these petty mistakes of past, this demon begins to die. It vanishes in a flash. And then what remains is pure love for yourself and pride in your existence. That is when you regain your freedom, and win back the happiness which was always yours. That is where virtues are nested and life becomes the the pleasant journey it is supposed to be.

The demon is being defeated. Prepare for celebrations. Prepare for king's arrival in the world.